Panel one: Benito sits in a large chair, eating with chopsticks out of a large, steaming bowl.
BENITO: Mmmm, annyong, duk boki.*
CAPTION: *Hello, duk boki.
Panel two: Nate enters, stage left. He is beat all to hell. Bruises, bleeds, owies, everything. He holds one arm tenderly. Benito reacts accordingly.
BENITO: Hey, Nate, I left you some duk—HOLY WHAT! W...why is your face not the same?!
NATE: I just got back from seeing S__________.
Panel three: Benito sits up, beshocked.
BENITO: Are you for serious? She did this to you? She's all....little. Granted, you also are little. But the point stands!
Panel four: Nate walks off stage right, talking all the while.
NATE: Well, after I shot my phone, I decided I should go over and talk to her.
BENITO: This is a bad idea, this talking to girls.
NATE: Well, I had to do something. Clearly she has/had some kind of feeling? or something? for me?
Panel five: Benito holds up a tube of ointment (FROM WHERE OH GOD). Nate refuses it, returning from off-panel with a bottle of turtle wax.
BENITO: Clearly this was a beat-uppy feeling. Ointment?
NATE: No, I'm solid.
NATE 2: But, no, it really wasn't. She's got a total jones for my bones, signior.
Panel six: Benito puzzles this out.
BENITO: This seems as though it should be a good thing, despite the manifest fact that you're throwing yourself precipitate into a pool full of girlcrazies.
BENITO 2: So S_______ is totally into you, even though months ago she brutally ate your genitals on crackers for a hahah, and then proceeded to start doing that rat-nasty dude with the ponytail AND HOLY CARP.
Panel seven: Benito stands in his chair in excitement and points at Nate who rubs his wounds.
BENITO: RATNASTY TOTALLY ROCKED YOUR FACE WITH DUNG FOO. Was he there when you went over?
NATE: No, man. He was not there. They broke up? I think? or something? It was just her when I got there.
Panel eight: Benito, still standing on the chair, nearly rips his hair out in frustration. Nate smirks.
BENITO: Dude, I simply do not get it. Someone has obviously cleaned your socks and rocked your clock. Who did it?
NATE: Oh, S_______ did it.
BENITO: And why are you going back there? Are you going back there? For death?
Panel nine: Nate exits, stage left. Benito, still standing in his chair, salutes him.
NATE: This is what second base looks like, chief. I'm sliding my way into third.
BENITO: And so God keep your worship!
Seriously, it's like the thing has become Nate Bellegarde: Operating Hug Subsidiary or something.
Nec hominem nec animal, sed solummodo bona amat Benidictus.
"Nor man nor beast doth Benito love, but only material goods."
Good week for new music. It makes me happy.
That said, I want to acquaint you more with musics like I listen to. One of the new albums I got is Wincing the Night Away by the Shins. So, to celebrate, here's a non-album cut from the Phantom Limb EP. Nothing at All. This will only be here for a week, so snatch it up, suckas.
Episode 21: Thx for calling Hug Salesman, LLC; how may I deflect your call?
Panel one: Benito is on the phone. This will not end well.
CAPTION: A couple weeks ago or something.
PHONE: So who's your fig?
BENITO: I'm sorry, my what?
PHONE: Your fig. Your Fake Internet Girlfriend. You wrote about one in your strip.
BENITO: That's true. How much non-fiction are we investing in these strips now?
PHONE: So are you fake internet dating someone now?
BENITO: I'm pretty sure you have physically and emotionally crippled me from being able to do that.
PHONE: You think so, do you?
BENITO: Yeah, it's called C________'s curse? You invented it.
PHONE: You are a horrible person. I can't seem to find a date either, you know that. Not since I broke up with A_______.
BENITO: That's true. That's called A_____'s C_______'s curse. It's a merger and acquisition. Like a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.
PHONE: Speaking of breakups, you know what today is?
BENITO: Hmm, well, I am pretty stupid.
PHONE: And yet you answered the phone.
BENITO: I just said I'm pretty stupid.
PHONE: So does your fig know that you're going to fake internet dump her once you meet her and the chance of physical contact exponentially increases?
BENITO: Oh ho. Still going with that, are we?
PHONE: Oh, come on. You pretty clearly put it on the table in your own strip a few weeks ago. Or how much fiction are we investing in these strips now?
BENITO: After all this time, you're still seriously entertaining that theory? Seriously?
PHONE: I feel it's a solid theory. And all my girlfriends and Women's Studies professors totally agree with me. We had a symposium on it.
Panel whatev: Benito pulls the phone away from his ear in shock and stares at it.
BENITO 2: W....
Panel whatev +1: Beat.
Panel whatev +2: Same.
BENITO: Of course you realize: this means war.
I could seriously use more feedback on my t-shirt idea, so I'm re-posting that link as I said I would.