Benito Cereno (benitocereno) wrote,
Benito Cereno

The world just screams and falls apart

You've probably seen Oldboy. Most of you probably even managed to do it without shooting up a college campus (not so fast, desiccated corpse of Seung-Hui Cho). What you may not know is that the other two films in the so-called "Vengeance trilogy," Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and Lady Vengeance are totally in every way worth watching. Stylish and haunting. Sure, they don't all have single track shot claw-hammer corridor smackdowns, but sometimes I need slightly more than that to my movies. Like pretty Korean girls shooting man-headed dogs in the snow with antique handguns.

Worth your time. Check 'em out.


Not Quite Hug Salesman, part one: Nate vs. 900 Naked Scenesters

INT. BENITO'S HOUSE where BENITO lives. NATE sits busily working at the computer.


What's that you're working on, squire?

The 900 Naked Scenesters Project.

I'm sorry, the what?

The 900 Naked Scenesters Project. I'm working on putting together a giant directory of 900 photos of naked scene girls compiled from various points on the internet.

A noble cause, surely. How are you going about attaining this lofty goal?

Well, basically you go around looking for hot scene girls on MySpace. Then you skim their profile for PhotoBucket or Flickr accounts or whatever. Usually they do not think far enough ahead to lock their nakey pics into private accounts. So they go into the directory.

That is very nearly despicable, but it's very internetty of you to do. Run across anyone you know yet?

This one girl I saw at a bar one time. A friend of a friend. But it's not a full-on fully. Good enough to count, though.

Sure. When you're aiming for nine hundred, it's hard to pick nits. So...these are basically just 900 MySpace-style "me in the mirror holding a camera and my face is kind of obscured by the flash"-type pics?


I'm not sure what's sexy or arousing about a girl holding a camera in the bathroom mirror with a somewhat awkward expression on her face?



Boobs? [he says, in the way one might say, "IDK, my BFF, Jill?" to one's mother]



Yeah, just e-mail me the highlights later.



Man, John Adams, why do you totally got to even do a thing.

The joke is played, sure, but damned if it's not based on a true story.


Speaking of true stories from my LCS, here's a conversation that happens at least three times a month.

SOME GUY: Hey, do you know if they have any Calciderms here?

ME: that a discourteous term for someone with a disease?

SOME GUY: It's a Magic card?

ME: OH! No, I have no idea. But there are totally these boxes full of literally hundreds of Magic cards. Perhaps you should let your fingers do the walking.

SOME GUY: So you don't play Magic?

ME: I do not play Magic.

SOME GUY: Never?

ME: I have never played Magic.

SOME GUY: So what do you play? Warcraft?

ME: No, I also do not play Warcraft. Though I don't think anyone plays the Warcraft ccg. I'm pretty sure they sell, on average, more Bella Sara cards here than WoW cards.

SOME GUY: Yu-Gi-Oh? Pokemon? HeroClix? HorrorClix? Pirates? Star Wars Minis? D&D Minis?

ME: I don't play any collectible games.

SOME GUY: Oh, you play board games? Zombies? Catan? Axis and Allies?

ME: I don't really play board games either, no.

SOME GUY: So you don't play any games.

ME: I don't play any games, no.


ME: Never ever.

SOME GUY: I...isn't this a weird place for you to be, then? What would you be here for?

ME: Why would I be in a COMIC BOOK shop with the word COMICS in the name of it if I don't play Magic the Gathering? This is the question?

SOME GUY: That's the question, yeah.

ME: I...uh, comic books. They do take up a solid 85% of the floorspace in the store. I'm holding one in my hand right now.

SOME GUY: OHHHH. So you collect comics?

ME: Yeah, I collect comics.

SOME GUY: You read comics?

ME: Yeah, I read the ones I collect, yes.

SOME GUY: I've totally got a Death of Superman comic. Is that worth anything?


I swear. Guaranteed to happen at least three times a month.

  • Merry Christmas, yo.

    I was going to post the remainder of Santa Claus vs the Martians today, but instead the whole book got posted, along with extensive annotations, at…

  • Even more Santa Claus vs the Martians

    If you'll recall, I have been posting pages from Santa Claus vs the Martians here due to the fact that the print version of the book has been delayed…

  • Yet more Santa Claus vs the Martians

    Hello. I have been posting the first issue of Santa Claus vs the Martians for free on internet, because of problems. Part one is here. Part two…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.